My skin has been notoriously dry these days. I admit that I haven’t been consuming as many liquids as I probably should. So, to combat my self-diagnosed dehydration, I’ve been infusing my water with various fruits and creating organic skincare products to help stay extra moisturized. My first attempt at making a concoction of goodness was a success. I created a gentle scrub using brown sugar and Palmer’s Moisturizing Body Oil. I added a hint of coconut and tea tree oils and I’ve been silky-smooth since! My next feat was to create a whipped body butter that wasn't too greasy yet rich enough to quench my skin’s thirst. I used all-natural products such as The Body Shop’s, Tea Tree Oil, safflower oil, coconut oil, shea butter, and vitamin E oil. My first batch wasn’t consistent with a whipped butter but after adding a little bit more product and whipping the ingredients longer, the consistency improved to a creamy, whipped moisturizer. Want to make your own whipped body butter? Follow the following easy steps.
Smile.
The smile on my face is a testament that God has allowed forgetfulness and unmerited favor. God is faithful; his promises true. The impact of trying times I never thought I’d overcome, the negative emotions I thought I’d never stop feeling, the painful memories that would seemingly haunt me have lessened. Most of all, I am filled with unexplainable joy. Yesterday was my mom’s birthday and although I miss her sweet soul so much, I’m comforted knowing she’s at peace. I’ve been praying for peace in all areas of my life and by golly, I feel it. I’ve been catching myself smiling at life’s simple joys. All in all, if you’re seeking peace, keep pushing and having faith in God’s promises until He allows your moment of forgetfulness and pure joy. God is faithful.
Ro’s Little Lady
33 and Breathing
“I’m breathing and in the sky I spread my wings.”
I feel incredibly grateful to celebrate 33 years today. This year has taught me so many valuable lessons; Make every moment count, everyone is fighting unseen battles, and to be gentle with myself and others.
Counting my blessings this past year, I forged unbreakable bonds with some beautiful souls I now consider my chosen family. I fulfilled my mother’s dream of traveling as I explored Hawaii, London, Paris, Guam, and Shimoda. I built and branded my own e-business, Little Mavericks, scheduled to launch in 2020. I skydived, attended a photography class, had a blast at Tokyo’s Pride, and danced my heart out at Miguel’s concert. Most importantly, I grew to love another being in ways I didn’t think were possible again. My growing pains encompassed facing childhood traumas, how they are impactful in many areas of my life, and how to properly heal through prayer and self-care. Other challenges included weight gain after my successful weight loss, practicing forgiveness, being vulnerable during times I felt unsafe, and putting forth effort to foster connections most important to me.
I’m looking forward to a happy and healthy year of growth as well as focusing on self-care. My plan is to hit the gym, meal prep on Friday nights, journal, and do whatever makes me happy. Life’s too short for much else. Oh, I almost forgot... and I will BREATHE and spread my wings. Check out this beautiful song by Hamzaa. I can’t stop listening to this soul stirrer.
Feeling free and breathing,
Ro’s Little Lady
Strong Woman Sunday: Andréa
“God works in mysterious ways,” is a saying my mother would always say and rings so true. I met Andréa after accepting a position 7,000 miles away from home. I was grief-stricken, overweight, and experiencing the greatest sadness and misery I had ever before because of my mother’s death. Despite this, she honored me with listening ears, patience, comfort, motivation, and pure love. For this I am forever grateful. “I’ll dance at your wedding!” would often follow my mom’s small requests of me. One day, those were the very words Andréa uttered after asking me for a small favor. Teary-eyed, I stood there in complete shock proclaiming, “OMG! My mom used to say that to me!” She was the only one. It was that very moment that I knew that the stars had aligned; God and my Mama had sent me an angel. Andréa is indeed a rarity. Unlike any soul I have ever met other than Mama, she exudes strength, wisdom beyond her years, pure love that can’t go unnoticed, and a level of care and kindness that impacts all whom she encounters. A hard-working wife, mother of two, animal lover, and an amazing educator, Andréa is sure to leave a huge mark on this world as she has left on me. I’m grateful to call her friend and to witness God’s great love through her. Andréa, I thank you, I salute you, and I am forever grateful for your gift of genuine friendship. Salud.
Feeling loved and free,
Ro’s Little Lady
Tell the Truth: Tremendous Damage
Days passed and my hands still shook from shock. I closed the shutters and blasted inspirational music. Hands on my hips, head tilted back, slowly pacing the floor in utter shock and disbelief, I wailed to the top of my lungs. My sobs and moans were deep, long, and full of despair. He’d done it, again. He’d abandoned me, AGAIN. The first go-round was tough, but this time was harsher, intentional, and vile. I wasn’t mourning the loss of a connection. Truth be told, I accepted a friendship under conditions I never should have. I knew my worth and value but didn’t show that by accepting less than what I deserved. I went against all of my rules, my gut, and all the lessons from my upbringing including to be careful, not to put all my eggs in one basket, and that sometimes I must feed people with a long handled spoon. I was mourning the mere fact that someone would dishonor and purposely cause me suffering. Someone who I’d shown nothing less than kindness, consideration, and genuine friendship.
Born out of wedlock to a dope fiend, I was adopted shortly after my birth by my dad’s wife. It’s a complicated, interesting, and long story that I’ll save for another post. My dad eventually divorced and remarried, causing me to grow up in a single parent home and wondering why he’d chosen to care for another family instead of his own. Worsening matters, his then girlfriend turned wife seemingly only tolerated me, never truly accepting me as a part of her life with him. Since learning the details of my birth as a little girl, I’ve struggled with abandonment and constantly questioning my very existence. Although I’ve accepted how I came to be and understand that I’m here because of God’s will, abandonment is still a struggle that I haven’t quite overcome yet. Fear of abandonment impacts me greatly in all of my relationships albeit family, friendships, acquaintances, and romantic connections. I tend to abandon relationships first simply because I don’t want to become abandoned. I’ve improved, though, and tend to communicate my fears increasing trust and bonding with other. But I hate the feeling of being disposed, manipulated, and deserted. His actions made me feel all of these feelings, twice.
We met and connected with the basis that we’d always be friends no matter what. Like a Scout’s honor and oath, I took those uttered words to heart and our friendship seriously. During our first separation, I didn’t realize that his intent was no longer to have a friendship at all because he didn’t convey his message that way. He became distant, apologized for the distance, explained that someone had re-entered his life, and that he was going through the motions. My response was patience and simply saying, “I’m here if you need me.” After unanswered texts and being blatantly ignored in common public places, it was then I realized he’d abandoned me.
The abandonment hurt deeply, and it caused me a great deal of stress and confusion. My face broke out, I suffered flare-ups from my autoimmune disorder (induced by sun exposure and stress), and was overcome with pure sadness. Again, I was saddened by actions, not the ending of a friendship. Months later, we reconnected in which he offered what seemed like a sincere apology, explained his stance of becoming too close, and that this time would be different. I explained my issue with abandonment and that open and honest communication is what I deserved as well as needed then and now. Weeks later, I found that he’d been dishonest and was involved in a serious relationship with another woman, possibly newly engaged or married. I was disgusted and when confronted, instead of acting maturely and communicating honestly, he ignored and blocked me on social media. Although I’ve witnessed similar behavior from men in movies, social media postings, literature, memes, and other experiences including those shared by my mother, I wasn’t used to this treatment- and never will I.
The level of disrespect, lack of care or consideration, malintent and willingness to cause harm was traumatizing. Again, I found myself full of sorrow, this time the feeling was indescribable. I was miserable for months. Cried for months. Unforgiving towards myself for months. Obsessed and questioned what I could have done differently for months. I tried best not to acknowledge my distress and mental anguish publicly by pretending that I was okay. I smiled and laughed when I didn’t feel like it, worked a lot, and didn’t want to acknowledge what had taken place, again. I was anxious and embarrassed that I’d allowed this person in my space again. I felt broken. I felt insecure. I felt ugly. I felt and suffered in silence for months but thank goodness for time. It may not truly always heal but it helps!
Since some time has passed, I’ve been able to reflect, process, and overcome. I don’t think about it as much. When I do, it just makes me sad, not only for me but for his brokenness. His actions had absolutely nothing to do with me! I realized that his actions were a reflection of himself and how he felt, perpetuating his inner demons. He may not have even realized it and probably still doesn’t. To have the ability to cause such harm to another being, one must be broken. This is just my logical reasoning and maybe even an excuse to help me feel better (Hey, just being honest.) I was raised by a loving and giving mother and the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. I’ll never fathom treating another being the way he treated me. I wouldn’t wish the experience on my worst enemy. Moreover, what’s troublesome is that people, including him, don’t realize their impact. Maybe they do and don’t care but that’s sad. People live in turmoil and even worse, kill themselves because of the words and actions of others or their inner struggles possibly caused by these very interactions. Think about it. We’re constantly interacting with others at work, school, the grocery store, the gas station, passing strangers, etc. I recently hugged a woman who was grieving the loss of her mother. I didn’t have to hug her, but I know how losing a mother feels. I didn’t have to comfort her but because I did, she, in that moment, felt appreciative and cared for. When I wanted to release the hug, she hugged tighter. She needed that. That’s humanity. It doesn’t take much to show compassion, consideration, and even tolerance with those who are different than us.
Words matter. Actions matter. How you treat others matter because you never know what someone is battling in silence. My suffering did not make me want to end my life, however it made me more conscience of a person’s impact and how powerful one’s actions and words can be. It’s true, in the words of Maya Angelou, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I can’t wait for the moment when I realize that I haven’t thought about this or felt anything regarding this experience in a long while. I can’t wait to forget what was said or what was done. Eventually the memories, triggers, and even his name will fade. I’ve since forgiven him. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that I don’t hurt any longer or that my thoughts aren’t triggered. It means I’ve chosen to release my pain and live gracefully. When I think about life, it’s so short! I just want to be happy, loving, and free. I can’t do that with an unforgiving heart.
So, if this has happened to you, it is no reflection of you nor your worth. You are amazing. You are important. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Most times, the betrayal, rejection, and abuse that has taken place is beyond you. A quote that resonates with me is, “Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else’s war against themselves.” While I don’t know what his war entails, I refuse to be a casualty. I don’t know or ever learned all the intricate details of his life and upbringing, but I can only imagine the brokenness, trauma, or disconnect he must have experienced to have brought such suffering upon me. Hurt people, hurt people and this is no excuse, but it happens. You can always choose to heal instead of hurting or harming others. At least that’s what I’ve chosen. So, again, if you’ve shared this experience and you’re struggling with forgiveness, remember that this too, shall pass. It’s okay to take your time and grieve. Grieve. Feel. Hurt. Forgive and find REST then move on with grace. I’ve adjusted my crown and I’m moving on toward complete peace and healing. I smile and laugh to the top my lungs willingly again. I’m much better now. I’m still lovable, giving, and caring. Although I felt broken, it didn’t break me. It made me stronger and braver because I’m willing to give, love, and care just as much as I did within that friendship to others more deserving. Let that shit go, find rest, and be free.
Feeling free,
Ro’s Little Lady
Beats Blasting: Bayonne's Fallss
Though this song was released in 2017, I just discovered it while listening to an indie-folk (currently my favorite genre) mix. The rich and rhythmic buildup of sound captivated me within the first twenty seconds. Known for his minimalistic one-man live loops, Roger Sellers, also known as Bayonne, created a timeless, meaningful song that is soothing and definitely on REPEAT. Check it out.
Tell the Truth: Who's that Little Lady?
I’m Shaneka, a self-proclaimed free-spirited introvert who loves teaching teeny-tiny humans, traveling, dancing, skating, cooking, capturing moments with my instant camera, and occasionally writing from the depths of my BIG soul. I’m a thinker, a constant one and my mind is art. “Little Lady” is what my mother, bless her magnanimous soul, would call me especially when I dressed up. “Where are you going dressed like a little lady?” she would often say while batting her eyes and throwing up her pinky, mimicking those considered proper. Since her passing, life has served me a whirlwind of blessings, changes, and challenges but despite it all, I’ve tried best to roll with the punches and “keep on keeping on,” as she would say.
I’ve learned there’s beauty in brokenness and healing power in storytelling. Telling my truth, appreciating life to its fullest, and interacting with other beings with honest intent is one of my greatest desires. I want healing so I’ve decided to tell my stories. On the brink of fear, self-doubt, and even hatred, the ten-year-old little girl inside of me wants to let it all out, let it all go, and live happily and free, again. Not that I’m not happy or free, but I want to intentionally feel and be consistently. Despite my uplifting posts on social media, my ability to smile even when there isn’t a genuine desire, depression lurks and looms. Sometimes, I struggle. Sometimes longer than I’d like to bare. I’ve felt stuck lately. Stuck in negative self-talk, thoughts, and memories of my past. There’s only one solution. I’ve got to get it out. So, I decided to start this blog as a sacred, creative, and honest space. Though the genesis of this blog isn’t masked with perfection, the happiest or peppiest tales, I hope that you’re positively impacted through each post and every glimpse of my soul.
Little Lady Soul is a personal blog created to share personal stories and interests. I don’t really have a “niche” that I’ll primarily focus on yet but much like life, change is inevitable. For now, I’d like to share my inner thoughts, adventures, and appreciation for the little things that gleefully excite me like Big K.R.I.T’s new album, Maybelline’s Master Precise Skinny™ Gel Pencil, or my recent aha moments experienced when speaking to an older gentleman in the museum I visited. As my mother would say, where there’s a will, there’s a way. I’m willing to write, share, and most of all, heal.
Feeling Free,
Ro’s Little Lady